Pocket, Pita and Bean

Girlfriends

First and last, mirrors
whose secrets we keep in a home-made petrie dish
(sometimes they give us ideas)
I mean the ones who say the unwelcome when it matters
whose kids watch us for clues
whose kids we watch for clues

Not the ones who decided there was too much too true
of them in our eyes, and ran,
but the ones who’ll be around to see us bald or one-breasted
and we them
who’ll know to say what can’t be said (with their skin)
whose bodies, spreading or starved, we love
whose husbands (or lack of) it’s okay to disapprove, or almost covet
whose girlfriends are ours by proxy
who share these assumptions and would their last
Godiva, valium, amulet

The lifers
who, even seven states away, are the porches
where we land

Ellen Dore Watson

a week later

It’s been a little over a week since I had my last chemo treatment. I am definitely noticing progress and feel a bit better and stronger every day. I’m surprised at how sick I still feel but I guess that is normal and my body will slowly regain strength.

Bean’s beloved DCP (daycare provider) has gone on vacation to visit her family in Costa Rica for a month. It’s just me and Bean all day together for a month. I don’t think I’ve spent this much time with her since she was a little baby. It’s good for both of us, but I couldn’t do it with out some major back up from friends and family. Fortunately we have that in abundance. Pita’s family are all coming to visit over the next few weeks and then in January we are going…..

TO HAWAII!

I can’t remember the last time I was this excited about a vacation! We’re flying into Hilo and driving straight to Volcano National Park. We’ll stay there for a few days and then off to Kauai to relax at the beach.

What Should I Sing?

yearofthediva:

As you all may or may not know, I’m raising $$ for the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund in honor of my friend Maya.  If you want more info, click on over to Project Hercules on Facebook.

So, December is sing at the metro for $$.  And I ask you….what should I sing?  I’m taking requests, yo!

I’ll Rise, Ben Harper

Mama Said, The Shirelles

Time

Time is such a funny thing. Sometimes it zips along so fast you can’t even catch your breath. I swear that Bean was born just a few weeks ago and I can’t understand how this enormous toddler got here in the first place. But the last hour of a flight always seems to take about three hours to pass.

My last chemo treatment is on Tuesday. I know that Tuesday is just a few days away, but time seems to have slowed down to to a crawl and now a day takes a week to pass and a week takes a month. I have cabin fever bad, but I am barely strong enough to handle a walk around the block.

At last!

I’m here the day after T-day and they just hung my very last bag of Cisplatin. I can’t tell you how great this feels. My last week-long chemo will be done in less than an hour. Now I have just two more treatments of Bleomycin (my weekly chemo) and then that is it. 

Also last night at Thanksgiving dinner Bean said to me: Mommy, you are the best Mommy and Aba is the best Daddy. She was just so great last night and such a complete pleasure to be with. She played nicely, charmed everyone, broke nothing, ate the food she was served and was just happy to be there eating pie.

Last Cycle

Today is the first day of my last chemo cycle. I feel very sad and sick today. I’m tired and it’s been a hard night and in general it’s been a long hard slog.

Hawaii. I am thinking about vacation all the time now. We are flying into Hilo just to see Volcano National Park for a few days and then on to Kauai to explore there for about a week. Bean told me this morning she didn’t have a shovel and she would need that for Hawaii.

And then after that my life will start again. I guess time will tell how much has changed and how much I have changed. I feel leaner and sleeker and that overall I have less drama in me. More patience in some ways, less in other ways. More conscious of my blessings, in love with my husband and my family, grateful for all that I have.